"my sister told me to write a horror story that was only 2 sentences long, so i wrote 15 such stories. i now understand that this prompt appeared on reddit. i’m going home to take a million showers
1. Linda wakes up on her thirtieth birthday to find she is teen pregnant. Dad is on every phone.
2. Satan convinces an innocent babe to smoke a weed. “Surprise, I’m a underccover cop and you’re going to super jail,” he snarls.
3. A white couple is driving down an empty rural road at midnight. Suddenly one of them says, “capital gains taxes are an offense to liberty.”
4. You dream that you are eating a giant marshmallow. When you wake up, your enjoyment of life is gone.
5. “I wonder what makes these so delicious,” you muse, finishing a bag of potato chips. You pull out the last potato chip and see your cardiologist’s face printed on it.
6. “This finger will grant you three wishes,” the old man says, handing it to you. But he drops it and it falls into the filthiest toilet.
7. A man is yelling invections behind a Shop and Stop. He tells you that you are a ghost, but you are not a ghost.
8. You approach a haunted house. You see a sign on the door that reads ‘NO SOLICITORS’ and you trundle away.
9. You spend a quiet week in a haunted house. “Definitely spooky,” you conclude as you drive home.
10. A vampire begins sucking blood out of your neck. He quickly stops and spits it out because your blood is really gross.
11. You wake from a coma to find that everybody has been turned into a zombie except for you. You are never invited to their sexy parties.
12. Everybody is laughing drunkenly as your friend reads passages from the Necronomicon aloud. After the first few lines you begin sweating because the book is actually your diary.
13. After you drive over a rickety iron bridge at night, it collapses noisily, preventing you from escaping. “Goddamn Minneapolis,” you mutter.
14. “How can I be paying too much for car insurance when I don’t even own a car,” you ask yourself. You ask this while buried alive in a lead coffin.
15. You joke that committing to the same lifeless and unfulfilling career routine day after day makes you very zombie-like. It then occurs to you that your awareness of this circumstance and your mockery of it is essentially non-threatening to the system that still has you enslaved.”
- emery chalk